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I just got back from a jog. It’s shocking to state this fact. I believe it might have been many years since I last did so. But I found out recently that I have slightly high cholesterol, and doctors suggested to do sweaty exercise on a consistent basis.

For the first time ever in living memory that the driving force to be active has been my bodily well-being. In my youth, I ran because I desired to slim down. I’ve also run to manage nervousness – I was just running away from those feelings, not addressing it. At other times, I exercised because I aimed to improve at running. That represented the meaning to me at that time to create a better life.

Exercising with new motivation at present sparked reflection about the methods I’ve related with my physique over my lifetime and how this is changing as I progress from being a young person to middle age. I believe not I’ve honored my own body, not truly. I’ve prized it just for its roles and the objectives it fulfilled for me: seeking approval; avoiding feelings; completing a speedier five kilometers. Up to now, I failed to grasp that my body represents me, it is my life, as opposed to something that produces results.

A great deal has been explored for ages about the separation between body and mind – which it’s comforting to know, I won’t summarize in this piece. What has struck me most compelling is Sigmund Freud’s view that consciousness and physique are developmentally integrated right from the start, because bodily growth demands psychological development and the reverse is true. The infant’s physical sensations – such as the physical sensation of hunger – motivate the mind to cultivate the skill to recognise hunger as a feeling that can be sated by eating; and the emotional comfort and contentment repeatedly brought by repeated nourishment nourishes the child’s mind similar to the food nourishes them corporally. So too mental events – such as the desire to get up and reach for something, and the determination to try again and again – are the reason and method physical strength increases. Since infancy, our physical and mental selves are intertwined in reciprocal evolution as integrated as DNA strands.

However I have noticed, during therapy with my psychoanalyst, that my mind and body can be in a different kind of relationship – a less unified and more exploitative. My psyche might utilize my body to store and display elements that my mind views unacceptable or intolerable. In analysis we realized that there are specific feelings that I fear are too much for me; instead of sensing them psychologically, I subconsciously force them into my body, where they remain as bodily signs.

I often had this as indigestion – unrelated to food intake, but acted as a type of corporeal reaction of the more acidic feelings I was unable to process psychologically. It wasn’t a conscious choice, but once it was raised to my attention through therapy, and my anxiety and insecurity and frustration and terror were experienced and articulated rather than converted to bodily feelings, it resolved. I seldom experience with digestive issues today.

The worst time I had this severe heartburn, I was unable to sleep for several nights in a row. I felt I was forfeiting my sanity. I went a general practitioner, who arranged multiple examinations and assessments, but no issues were found physically wrong. The situation was another doctor who told me that the root may be emotional. My psychoanalyst agreed. I was shocked, but I also knew it to be true.

If an individual experiences a physical symptom, they can be offended if told that there might be a psychological cause. They might feel this as being disrespected, being told that their symptom is imagined. Certainly such cases occur – some face their suffering ignored or wrongly assessed. However, sometimes it might be that the corporeal issues are real – certainly – and the origin is emotional, the inner mind using the body to convey certain suffering or fury or whichever sentiment awareness fails to handle. Occasionally, we might assume our emotions only has value only through expression in physical form. We continually disrespect our mental states personally, collectively and culturally; why else would we tolerate the appalling reduction of psychodynamic psychotherapy in public healthcare?

Personal insights have revealed that a better life cannot be created if we remain trapped without realization in patterns of interaction, inside us and with others, that stem from disrespect, exploitation and dealings. These interactions are frequently more straightforward to recognize “out there” in broader culture. It may be more challenging to reflect on where they come from, and to recognise these shapes within ourselves and among loved ones, in the dynamics of our mental lives.

Yet it’s valuable to continue. When I put my jogging shoes back on following many years, heading out without aiming for physical improvement, or to escape an emotion, or to improve a personal best, {it